-The reason why God has put laws of marriage for husbands and wives is so that in you fulfilling the roles He has given you either as a wife or a husband you will become more like Christ.
-Also marriage for the believers is God trying to teach the world the deep connection of the Trinity. In a true marriage of a believer, it the husband, the wife, and the Holy-Spirit. The Holy-Spirit is the only Person allowed and the most important 3rd person in a marriage between believers. When the Holy-Spirit is powering your marriage, your marriage takes on the potential of being indestructible. When the Holy-Spirit is powering everything in your marriage, Light will always be resident in your home no matter what!
-An equation of marriage that God gave me based on His word. Wife’s you submit to love and Husband’s you die to love (is one of the keys to an indestructible marriage)
- The bible does not teach you must marry who you love (As a believer the foundation of your marriage should be based on God’s covenant & not emotions). One of the big reasons for divorce is that people jump into marriage based on the feelings alone they have for each other. The love before marriage is largely emotional!
-Marriage is based on Covenant by God’s standard and not on the strength of feelings.
-Because by God’s standard a reduction in love for your spouse is not enough reason to divorce your spouse. The love that God commands us to have in marriage is not emotional love but Agape love. A love not based not on emotion but on covenant which means even if wife does not treat me well, I will do what’s right for her.
-So when you operate by Agape love, you don’t love your spouse based on how you feel but you use the power of Agape love to cultivate your feelings to where it should be for your wife.
– “You must love who you marry because of Covenant. When you operate in Agape love, you can love your wife even when she shouts at you! You can love your husband even when he is being silly!
(Something for the wife’s- you submit to love)
-Titus 2:4; “teach women to love their husband”. From this verse the responsibility to love is not based on emotions but it is taught showing that it is a responsibility of a wife to love the husband. A covenant means you have a responsibility to ensure it works.
-So you love because of responsibility! And as you love your spouse by Agape love then the other emotions will begin to blossom. (you love your wife regardless of her size, you love your wife even if her breast are no longer “orange” looking!)
(Something for Husbands- you die to love your spouse)
-Ephesians 5:25, Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,
This kind of love is a love based on sacrifice.
-This kind of love is a love that is also willing to die to self, first for God and then for your spouse.
-Your wife has just used her mouth to degrade you and you want to retaliate by showing her you are the man! But you remember the love of Jesus, He died for us, then you too because of Agape love are willing to die! Because if you were to love by feeling you might decide to give her a dirty slap or do something worse!
-When you choose to love by Agape it does not mean you let issues go but you tell the truth in love. So you come to your wife 2hr later and say honey the way you said it was not like that and she still yells at you (but you still dying to self that is telling you yell back!).
-This is when you realise a woman’s brain is not in her head but in her heart, then you begin to calm and succour her, comfort her. You will find out all that noise she was making at you, calling you an occultist! A demon! 90% of it, she did not mean it!
-You see when your wife is throwing those harsh words at you, she is trying to provoke anger in you but because you die to self in Agape love, even when the anger rises you hold your peace. In agape love, we die to love! We die to self to love the Agape-way.
- You need more than Philia love in a marriage to make it indestructible. Also your marriage will not last if it just built on eros love.
-Philia love is the kind of love between friends which is based on warmth & affections. We do not have philia love towards our enemies or towards those that hurt us! Or treat us badly and so a marriage that is built on the philia level just based on affections alone cannot thrive.
-From the Greek word eros, we get the word erotic. So, erotic love is sexual love that God permits between a husband and wife in the context of marriage. When I say husband (I am referring to a man) and when I say wife (I am referring to a woman)!
-Songs of Solomon shows us the blessings of erotic love between a husband & wife. There is a place for erotic love in a marriage but it becomes a big problem when your marriage is only built on that.
-Truth be said, when you first marry, you are making love to your wife every day! But as life takes it toll on you, children come in, and biologically as you grow older the thrill of erotic love wane. So sir, ma if all the love you have for your spouse is erotic, then the marriage can be destroyed! Because erotic love focuses on sensuality and pleasing self while covenant love is sacrifices self, it wants to please your spouse even if it cost you. When I hear husbands being mean to their wife because the wife is not pleasing them sexually and because of that they go outside to look for it is a man who needs God to kill his flesh,
-because such hedonistic attitude to marriage, where your spouse must please you sexually at all cost and in any way even if it violates God’s principles is opening the door for the enemy to trap you and send your soul to hell!
-Or some wife’s belittle their husband because they can’t perform as the level they use to! Is a depraved woman who needs deliverance for God never designed marriage to be built on eros love but Agape.
-So these days when young men see a woman with big breast, in their mind they think that will make a good marriage because of what society and social media portrays! It is the selfish and self-centred attitude many have taken into marriage as believers and now the marriage is about to fall apart!
-No wonder God commands that marriage be built on Agape love.
– According to Luke 6: 28 (Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you). NLT
-Brother, God wants you to bless your wife when she is abusing you.
-Sister, God wants you to pray for your husband when he is not treating you right.
– Let me put a clause here, I am not referring to destructive behaviours. Do not endure destructive behaviours from your spouse! seek the pastoral team for guidance if your spouse abuses you physically or psychologically.
– Now society teaches us to look at warmth & affection as the ingredients of a successful marriage! But no wonder the divorce rate is high among celebrities because warmth towards your spouse may not always be there!
-You see when you marry, you should make your spouse your friend (your best friend in fact).
– But Marriage built on God’s covenant is much deeper than a sense of emotional dependence. Its deeper than just mutual understanding.
-The bond of godly marriage is built on covenant. It has nothing to do with emotional attachment, because many have gone into marriage with that mindset and when emotions go down then their marriage go down.
-So when some couples have misunderstandings because they have built their marriage on emotional attachment alone, a misunderstanding is able to scatter their home.
-In friendship when you misunderstand your friend you can walk away because it is not a relationship based on covenant but as believers your marriage should be based on covenant of Agape love, so when you have a misunderstanding with your spouse, it’s not enough reason to walk away.
–Don’t get me wrong your spouse should be your best friend and hence build friendship with your spouse to improve intimacy but always remember your marriage is built on covenant.
– And so with that kind of mindset when you have a misunderstanding with your spouse, you don’t start threatening them with divorce but you seek to bring harmony and tranquillity in your home by the help and power of the Holy Spirit. (To be continued)
Prayer: Holy Spirit please come into my marriage & teach me to love my spouse the way You want me to and help me to avoid negative attitudes and characters that will ruin my marriage in Jesus Name. Amen.
