I was thinking about what to write and then I sensed the Holy Spirit impressing strongly in my heart that lets dad’s like me know that the two sentences every son needs to hear from them is “I love you” and “I am proud of you”. And even though the theme is addressing the emotional stability of a son but a daughter also and probably even much more needs to hear these words from her father
This is something I learnt myself from watching a powerful video on parenting by Focus on the Family where the speaker mentioned it. It latched to my soul ever since. If am honest, I would be one of those men who will also confess that I have only heard my father say “I love you” once to me in my life. This was over the phone, was in my late 30’s then and it came as a shock when I heard him say it. Even though I was now an adult, married with children. It’s amazing that hearing those words did something to me at a subconscious level that I can’t fully explain with words. It also revealed an emptiness that was in me for years which the Love of God had to fill in me and is still filling in me. You could say it was God’s love that drove me to learn and keep learning how to be a father to my son because I noticed I was failing miserably in it and I had no idea on what it means to be godly father other than to provide money and resources to my children.
No one will deny the fact that words can be very powerful. Every person including children has likely experienced both the negative and positive effect that words can have on others. Consider what the bible says about the power of what we say in Proverbs 18:21 (Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it and indulge it will eat its fruit and bear the consequences of their words) AMP.
Fathers, because of the God-given influence they’re meant to have in the home, can cause great pain with careless words. While the Bible has much to say about being careful about the words we say, as fathers, what we don’t say can be potentially more damaging.
We as earthly daddy’s who claim to be in Christ Jesus can learn something from God Almighty, How to use words to validate and empower our children. Do you know looking at the book of Isaiah and Matthew alone, God used similar endearing words “I love You and I am proud of You” to validate and show His approval of His Son, Jesus Christ our Saviour. We will briefly consider these two instances below.
a) Twice before Jesus Christ came into the world in the book of Isaiah
Isaiah 42:1 “Behold! My Servant whom I uphold, My Elect One in whom My soul delights! I have put My Spirit upon Him; He will bring forth justice to the Gentiles. NKJV
God called Jesus before He came to this world “My Elect One, in whom My soul delight.” When last did you tell your children that you are pleased with them not because of anything they have done? It’s powerful for a child know that daddy finds them a delight not just because they bring home the good grades at school or take 1st prize in the Maths competition!
In Isaiah 49:1-3, we see God again using words to validate His son Jesus in verse 3; He said to me, “You are my servant, Israel, and you will bring me glory.”
God was telling Jesus Christ our Savior before He came to the world, “You will bring me glory”. When was the last time you looked at your children in the eye and just say “I am proud of you”. I remember when I told my daughter, she looked at me and said but daddy I didn’t do anything, and I said you don’t have to do anything for me to be proud of you. I am proud of who you are and what God will make you become. She just smiled and said Thank you daddy. I could feel a deeper level of connection with her when I said that. Do you know that the bible has shown that little ones in the mother’s womb respond to words before science proved it. In Luke 1: 39-44, the baby jumped in Elizabeth’s womb when she heard the greeting of Mary, who was pregnant with Jesus. The baby in Elizabeth’s womb was John the Baptist, who later became a prophet and a forerunner of Jesus. The point is this, that foetus in the womb also responds to words.
Therefore, if you are a dad and your wife is pregnant, like God spoke validating words about Jesus before He physically came into the world, place your head on your wife’s tommy and begin to speak loving words to the foetus in her womb. Medical Research has shown; your baby will hear sounds, like your wife’s heartbeat, between 16 and 22 weeks of pregnancy. And after 23 weeks, your little one will be able to make out your wife’s voice, your voice, and other sounds from outside the womb. So start speaking prophetically into the destiny of your baby in the womb. Start to learn to speak words that bring wholeness to your child even when they are still in the womb.
b) Twice when Jesus Christ walked the earth as a Man in the book of Matthew
-When Jesus was baptised by John the Baptist, God publicly validated Jesus with words, that Jesus His Son brings Him great joy. (Matthew 3:17; And a voice from heaven said, “This is my dearly loved Son, who brings me great joy.”)
Dear daddy are you in the habit of putting your children down in public, you will destroy their self-esteem. For example you see a dad slap his child in public for doing something wrong, while absolutely there must be discipline but you still need to do discipline in love. Speaking positive and loving words to your child even in public reinforces their sense of self-worth and value.
-The transfiguration at the mountain (Matthew 17). This was where Jesus appearance was transformed that his face shone like the sun and Moses and Elijah appeared and were talking with Jesus then God spoke in vs 5, But even as he spoke, a bright cloud overshadowed them, and a voice from the cloud said, “This is my dearly loved Son, who brings me great joy. Listen to him.”
Again we see God validating with words how much He loves Jesus and that He is proud of Him. There is power when we as daddy’s validate our children with such words. There is even greater long-lasting positive effect on the physical, mental & spiritual wellbeing of our children when we speak continuously and regularly such loving words to them. We produce a much greater positive impact in them when we speak God’s words continuously into their lives in their hearing.
The scientific world has caught into a parenting principle that God has already established through His word, how that as a Father you can use words to impact your children. For example there is a body of evidence that shows the words of a father can make or break the destiny of his son.
An on-line write-up by Chris Illuminati, He points to a psychological research article which also alludes to the fact that daddy’s should constantly and regularly tell their sons “I love you and understand you” to make them whole; it’s more than just about reminding a son that he’s loved.
When you regularly tell your son you love them, you are connecting with them, you are becoming in synch with him at an emotional & spiritual level (As God is Love. Agape love, the God kind of love is spiritual, it goes beyond just the realm of emotions).
Telling your son that you love them and are proud of them is you communicating to them at a deeper level that I’m with you, I understand you, I grasp and know you. That’s when saying ‘I love you’ will feel to a son that ‘daddy really knows me, and daddy accepts me just they way God made me.
I pray that as you continue to speak words that build your children up, God will cause His will to be established in their lives in Jesus Name. God bless you.
Prayer: Father my words will build my children, I will never use my mouth to destroy my children in the name of Jesus
References & Useful resources on Parenting
7 Things All Boys Need to Hear From Their Father (fatherly.com)
Useful biblical based videos/resources on parenting can be seen on focus on the family YouTube channel. (462) focus on the family parenting – YouTube
Feast of Light Global Ministry
