I was just joking

Bible Text:
Proverbs 26:19: “Is the man who deceives his neighbor, and says, ‘I was only joking!’” NKJV

This verse exposes a behaviour that is far more common than we often realise. Many people, both young and old, hurt others with their words or actions and later cover it with the excuse, “I was only joking.” But Scripture is clear: using humour as a cover for hurt, deception, or cruelty is not harmless. It reveals something deeper in the heart. When the Holy Spirit brought this verse to remembrance during a discussion with one of my children, He pointed to a truth that applies to every believer. Our actions, even our jokes, must be rooted in kindness and love.

Deceit in this context does not refer only to intentional lying. It includes pretending something hurtful was harmless. It includes using humour to disguise unkindness. It includes teasing that wounds another person’s dignity, playing pranks that embarrass or shame someone, or making sarcastic remarks that cut deep. Many relationships have been damaged not by major betrayals but by repeated moments of careless teasing, harsh joking, or words spoken without thought. Proverbs 18:21 reminds us that “death and life are in the power of the tongue.” Words spoken lightly can still cause deep wounds.

This kind of deceit fractures friendships, strains sibling relationships, divides marriages, and weakens unity in the church. Someone may say, “I did not mean it,” yet the effect remains. Jokes that belittle, actions done “for fun” that embarrass others, or sarcasm that disguises anger or jealousy all create hidden wounds. Over time, these unchecked behaviours cultivate mistrust. People begin to guard themselves. They start avoiding honesty. They distance their hearts because they do not feel safe.

As believers, God calls us to a higher standard. Ephesians 4:29 instructs, “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification.” If our jokes, actions, or words do not build up, they are out of line with kingdom character. Colossians 4:6 adds, “Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt.” Grace must flavour every word that leaves our lips.

Consider the practical scenarios that happen in day-to-day life below

1) Husband and Wife

Mark makes a sarcastic remark about his wife’s cooking in front of friends, saying, “This is why I eat out so much, just joking!” His wife laughs outwardly but feels hurt inside, questioning her effort and value. Later, when she expresses her pain, Mark dismisses it with, “I was only joking.”

Reflection: The words were not harmless. They carried criticism disguised as humour. Instead of building his wife up, Mark wounded her. True love requires words that honour and encourage, not words that belittle

2) Two Church Members

During fellowship, Deacon Raul teases Brother Tim about always being late, saying loudly, “We should give you an award for being the last to arrive, just kidding!” The congregation laughs, but Bro Tim feels embarrassed and discouraged, especially since they struggle with transportation issues. Bro Tim has serious financial constraints: limited funds for transport (bus fare and taxi costs) which make consistent attendance challenging. When Deacon Raul is confronted, he shrugs it off, saying, “I was only kidding.”

Reflection: The sarcastic remark exposed a weakness in the life of Bro Tim and turned it into public shame. Instead of strengthening fellowship, it created distance. Scripture calls believers to edify one another, not to wound under the cover of humour or sarcasm.

Both scenarios above show that careless joking and sarcastic remarks can mask disrespect or cruelty. Proverbs 26:19 warns us that such words are like arrows, they pierce hearts. As believers, our humour and communication must always be rooted in love, kindness, and encouragement, so that our words bring life, not harm

So how can we prevent this harmful pattern in our circle of relationships?

First, cultivate intentional kindness. Before speaking or acting, pause long enough to ask yourself if what you are about to say or do will honour God and bless the other person. This simple pause is often enough to prevent needless hurt.

Second, practice empathy. Romans 12:10 urges us to “be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love.” Consider how your words would feel if they were spoken to you. Sensitivity is not weakness. It is Christlike maturity.

Third, embrace honesty and humility. If you recognise that your humour has hurt someone, approach them with sincerity and apologise. Matthew 5:23 reminds us that reconciliation is important to God. Owning your mistakes restores trust.

Fourth, model gentle communication. Proverbs 15:1 teaches that “a soft answer turns away wrath.” Speak with gentleness, especially in tense moments or playful interactions.

When believers choose kindness over cruelty, thoughtfulness over carelessness, and love over casual harm, we cultivate relationships marked by safety, honour, and Christlike character. This is how we protect the hearts entrusted to us and reflect the love of Christ in our daily interactions.

Altar call: For anyone reading this article who is not saved and wants to be part of the family of God or you want to re-dedicate your life back to Jesus, please repeat this out loud. “Lord Jesus, I believe You died for my sins and rose again. I turn from my old ways and ask You to forgive me. Come into my heart, be my Lord and Saviour. Fill me with Your Spirit and help me live for You. Thank You for saving me, in Jesus Name. Amen“

Prayer-Declaration: According to Ephesians 4:29; Father, please help my communication, both verbal and non-verbal, and my actions, that they always be rooted in Agape love and kindness, in Jesus Name. Amen.

Feast of Light Word Ministry

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