Power of hurtful words in your marriage

Proverbs 18:21; “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit” NKJV

It is time to change this narrative of the consequence of mean and unpleasant words that have been recycling back and forth in your marriage by the power of the Holy-Spirit

Human research shows us that negative words, attitudes, and interactions can be extremely detrimental to the integrity of a marriage and tear it apart from the inside out. Examples of some hurtful verbal communication in a marriage include the unrelenting nagging, yelling, criticising, and speaking poorly of your spouse (even if you’re just joking!).  Some spouses have practiced unkind verbal communication for so many years that it now seems like normal behaviour in their marriage. Hurtful words usually works like a slow acting deadly poison between husband & wife. Even the “small”, unloving & hurtful words repeated over days, months, and years in your marriage will certainly damage any sense of physical and emotional intimacy between you and your spouse. The toxic impact of negative words in the long-term can be so great that the catastrophic failure of a marriage can occur. Stopping hurtful words in a marriage is essential for maintaining a healthy and loving connection. Here are some approaches to help you avoid saying mean or hurtful things to your spouse:

1. Self-Awareness and Reflection:
   • Pause Before Speaking: When you feel anger or frustration rising, take a deep breath and pause. Reflect on what you’re about to say and its potential impact.
   • Identify Triggers: Understand the situations or topics that trigger hurtful words. Awareness helps you anticipate and manage your reactions.
2. Choose Your Words Wisely:
   • Replace Negative Phrases: Instead of attacking your spouse, express your feelings using kind and constructive language. For example:
     • Instead of saying, “You never listen,” try saying, “I feel unheard when…”
     • Instead of saying, “You’re so lazy,” say, “I’d appreciate it if we could share household chores.”
   • Use “I” Statements: Focus on your feelings and needs. Say, “I feel hurt when…” rather than blaming your spouse.
   • Don’t abuse them in your native language: They may not understand your words at that point in time but the devil will somehow link them to someone or an App that will interpret your words and this can lead to further friction in your marriage
3. Communicate During Calm Moments:
   • Discuss Expectations: Talk about how you both want to communicate during disagreements. Agree on respectful boundaries.
   • Apologize When Necessary: If you slip up and say something hurtful, apologize sincerely. Acknowledge the impact of your words.
4. Practice Active Listening:
   • Listen Actively: Pay attention to your spouse’s words and emotions. Show empathy and validate their feelings.
   • Seek to Understand: Ask questions to clarify their perspective. Avoid interrupting or assuming.
5. Take Breaks When Needed:
   • Time-Outs: If a discussion becomes heated, agree to take a break. Step away, calm down, and return to the conversation later.
   • Write It Down: Instead of saying hurtful things in the moment, write down your feelings. Revisit them when you’re calmer.
6. Remember Your Love and Commitment before God:
   • Prioritize Your Relationship: Remind yourself of the love you share. Love them unconditionally and not based on how you feel. This is Agape love. Choose connection over winning an argument.
   • Visualize the Impact: Imagine the emotional scars hurtful words can leave. Choose kindness, meekness, and humility instead. Also be quick to forgive (Ephesians 4:32)

7. Live by God’s word into your marriage. (Matthew 7:24-27):

“Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.”

○ This passage teaches the importance of acting upon God’s word and building our marriages on God’s word as the solid foundation. Just as a house built on a rock withstands storms, our marriages are secure when we follow Christ’s words (God’s laws on marriage). Build your marriage on God’s principle of Agape-Love

Remember dear reader, changing negative behaviour patterns in a marriage takes time and effort. Don’t try changing them because you cannot, only The Creator, God Almighty can. But work on changing yourself. And as you work on yourself by the leading of the Holy-Spirit, God will begin to do a transfroming work on your spouse. Furthermore, this transformation is certainly achievable in the place of prayer, meditation of God’s word and investing time in listening to sermons on marriage by true ministers of God. Be patient with yourself and your spouse as the Holy-Spirit helps you work toward healthier communication in your marriage.

God bless you

Altar call: For anyone reading this article who is not saved and wants to be part of the family of God or you want to re-dedicate your life back to Jesus, please repeat this out loud. “Lord Jesus, I acknowledge that I have sinned against you. Lord Jesus forgive me of my sins. I repent of my sins. Lord Jesus come into my life and be my Lord now and forever in Jesus Name

Prayer

• Father arise and add fresh spark of love that has died or is diminishing in my marriage, in the name of Jesus
• Every power swallowing good things in my marriage, swallowing peace and joy in my marriage, vomit it now by fire, in the name of Jesus
• I barricade my marriage with the blood of Jesus and fire of the Holy-Ghost, and I declare it impenetrable to any force of darkness in the name of Jesus
• Father please deliver me and my spouse from negative and unscriptural mindsets that is putting our marriage in bondage in Jesus Name.
• My marriage will flourish, it will thrive, it will blossom by the power of the Holy-Ghost, in Jesus Name

Feast of Light Word Ministry