Parenting is the most important job any parent can have. It does not come with a manual. You need to rely on God and His word. Furthermore God expects us as believers in Christ to parent our children according to His word. Our parenting must be word and Christ centred. And goldy parenting was one of the reasons that God blessed Abraham, for God knew that Abraham would take time out to ensure he transfers the values of God’s kingdom into the lives of his children.
Genesis 18:19; For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord, to do justice and judgment; that the Lord may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him. (BRG)
As Christian parents you want to raise your children to love and obey God. But you must start imbibing them with the word of God and love for God from an early age. (see stats below)
It is also worth noting that surveys done by the Barna Research Group indicate that American children aged 5 to 13 have a 32% probability of accepting Christ, but youth or teens aged 14 to 18 have only a 14% probability of doing so. The rate goes even further down to a 6% probability of becoming Christians for adults-teenagers aged 19 and over.
Are you parenting for yourself or for your children? Are you trying to live your life through your children? Are you using your children to fulfil your unfulfilled expectation or desire? Parents sometimes project their unfulfilled wishes upon their children. And whist we should encourage academic success in our children let us promote the development of godly character and virtues that is lacking in this generation. So you would see bright young people who are medical students or law students still doing drugs, drink alcohol heavily and so on. As parents only focused on academic achievement and neglected character development
Obtain their co-operation & Trust; For older children, especially teenagers, you have to learn to win their co-operation, that way they are more likely to listen to what you say and not wait till their 18 so that they can rebel on what they perceive was a relationship based on rules and not love. A wise person said “rules without relationship leads to rebellion”
Be there for them. Things vs being there for them; children would prefer you to be there for them than things. And whist they will appreciate the Xbox you give them but what will cause a lasting memory in their heart is daddy came for my sports day. Mummy took me for my swimming competition. When I was hurt, daddy was there for me to cry on and he held me and said it will be ok
Expect the best, you get the best; There is some evidence that suggests that parents who expect the best from their children tend to have children who perform better academically, socially, and emotionally. However, this does not mean that parents should have unrealistic or excessive expectations that put too much pressure on their children. Rather, parents should have positive and supportive expectations that encourage their children to reach their full potential. As godly parents celebrate even the “small wins” with your child and build their esteem will drive them to achieve more. For example your child cleans their room without you telling them, they are fulfilling your expectation for them, don’t be the parent that only looks at the dirty-socks they forgot to put away in a generally tidy room (even if it’s only 50% tidy!)
Give and you shall receive. Bible says give and you shall receive. You want a child to be a giver but do they see that giving nature in you?
Modelling (Do you as a parent live a discipline life). How do you expect your children to live a disciplined life, when they see the opposite in you. They see you lash out without control at your spouse and you now want the children to manage their “big-emotions” better! They are only modelling what they see in you.
Stay the course and Know your children. If you know where you are going as a parent, your children will follow you. Bible tells us the sheep will only follow the real shepherd. Children will always follow your lead.
John 10:27, My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me (BRG)
Look at the sequence; the sheep first hear the voice of Jesus. Secondly Jesus knows His sheep and the outcome is that the sheep follows Him.
If your children don’t know your voice in the home, you are never there, how will they know you and how will you know them? It is only parents that children know they are willing to follow. Also, if you don’t truly know your children, you cannot lead them or parent them effectively
In dealing with your children learn to respond rather than react. Children knows what button to press, and if all you are doing is reacting to your children’s behaviour all the time, you may be building a wedge between you and them. If you learn to respond more to what your children are telling you, you will find that as they grow older, they will turn more and more towards you (for psychological safety). But when all you do is react to everything your child does, they will eventually shut you out of their lives emotionally and you find that they spend more time on other people, social media and other distraction. You end up having a child in your house that though they live with you, you know nothing about them
Learn to listen more to your children. When they want to talk, they do want to talk. So make time for them. You may have to stop what you are doing and make time to just listen to them even its not convenient for you in order to understand the ideas, concerns & expectations of your child. Sharing feelings with your child, open things up but when you are too judgemental, it shuts things down (the connection between you and your child)
Children are taking notes. We want our children to be honest, we want our children to be kind and not lash out when things are not going their way. These are good moral virtues to incorporate in our children but are you as a parent those things you want your child to be? Children model the way we behave and live our lives. They are taking spiritual notes on your closeness to God or the lack of it. They are taking emotional notes for example how you respond to sensitive or pressurised situations. They are taking psychological notes from you, for example your conscious and unconscious behaviours. They will model your ethical and unethical behaviour.
God bless you
Prayer: O Lord give me the grace to write godly notes in all aspects of my behaviour and walk with God, that my children can emulate in Jesus mighty name.
Feast of Light Global Ministry
